Flighty and Wistful; A Rant on the Female Gender

Those who know me can attest that I am not one prone to stereotypes or sexism (I formally apologize for all Helen Keller remarks), and I want to declare that this isn't an ignorant attack on all women. This is more of an inquiry spurred by my personal experiences with a select few specimens (mainly the ones whom I've dated) and a persistent trait that has caused me a good deal of woe.

I also want to apologize to all my ex girlfriends ahead of time. I really don't want a fight, and I'm not upset at any of you (except one, you know who you are *evil eyes*), this is just something I have seen and would like to address.

Let's start with a hypothetical situation. You've been dating someone for some time now, we'll assume a few months to establish that it is fairly serious instead of a flight of fancy. You're hitting that usual lull that many relationships hit, it occurs when the relationship is no longer new. That fresh, exciting (and not to mention tumultuous) times are becoming more of a permanent fixture in your life. You might be a little bored with your partner, communication may be lapsing, and you are asking yourself that question: "what if it might not work out".

I haven't known any relationships that did not hit this phase, and it's just that, a phase. Some relationships solidify after that, some whither and die, but let us continue with the hypothetical. Now you've hit this point and, despite your best efforts, your heart starts to wander. You see, there is this guy/girl you know, and you think you may be starting to like them. While your current relationship has last that freshness, this person seems amazing! They are fun to talk to and hang out with, and you think there may be some chemistry. What to do? Should you stick with your current significant other or do you move on and try a relationship with your new friend?

Think about that for a minute. Think about every relationship you've been in and possibly of the same situations people you know have been in.

In all my relationships excluding the first (what a horrific, restraining order-inspiring event that was), I have always tried to weather the storm. No matter how much I may have liked the girl, there was always that one point where I was really tempted by someone else. While I regret never mentioning it to my girlfriend-at-the-time (be it justified or not, I always feel guilty about this lapse in communication), I always try to stick with her. Maybe it is the idealist in me, hoping that despite it all this time it might really work out. Maybe it is the coward in me, too afraid to risk a sure thing on what may behind door number two.

Time and time again, however, it seems my relationships fail because my girlfriend-at-the-time falls for someone else. Trust me, I'm not saying that is the only problem the relationship faced. There were defiantly others problems with each one, but when it comes down to that point it seems she ('she' referring to no single ex in particular, but rather the typical in my experiences) decides to go with the 'other guy' for something exciting. For some ex girlfriends it has really worked out for them (Jamie, for instance, just celebrated her one-year with Zach. A sincere congrats to you two!). For others, it ended up backfiring (not going to mention anyone because I'm not the "I told you so" type, as tempting as it may be).

It might just be I'm a horrible mate who will ultimately fail at fulfilling my biological purpose or it might just be the luck of the draw, but from the experiences of nearly every couple I've known it seems to be that the guys stand and the girls fold and look to be dealt a fresh hand (look mom, I made a poker reference!). While it's likely due in large part to the company I keep, I can't help but wonder if that is a common trend. I'd seriously doubt it was something innate to each gender, but if it held any credence I'd but my money on a cultural or societal reason.

Oh well, end rant (or at least my version of a rant). I also want to state that this wasn't solely reactionary to anything that is happening between Julie and I. We're still sorting through things and are on a trial separation. What will become of us is uncertain, but no matter what I wish her the best in all her endeavors.

Insomnia Problema

Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. Right now it is 6:34 in the morning and I'm awake. The astute among you will realize its odd that I am up this early. What cosmic force could have wakened me from my slumber?

The answer is: nothing woke me. You see I didn't sleep last night. Not a wink. It's not like I tried to stay awake, its just that sleep elluded me once again. I haven't slept all that much in the past week or two. Sometimes I can't get comfortable. Other times I have so many ideas for stories ahd what not that I just can't sleep until I jot them down. Occasionally, its thoughts of Julie and not having her there with me that rob me of my dreams. Those will pass with time, I suppose. If I address that it'll be in a different posting.

The problem is I have the screen test in a little while. I will try to grab some sleep on the ride there, but I'm worried it might affect me negatively. I'm really excited about this movie. It's a rare opportunity for me; I'm acting as the villain, a role I've always wanted, and this could possibly be the stepping stone to something more. Ever since I was young I could remember wanted to be an actor and now that things are happening it's almost surreal.

On a different note, I wanted to record a story concept here. The idea first came to me a few weeks ago while I was still at UConn. Instead of a round Earth, what if the world was a flat, infinite plane? I have to say, I really liked it and toyed with it a bit, even going so far as writing the first chapter. The problem was there was still something missing. It had elements of science fiction and fantasy, but that genre is a bit cluttered unfortunatly. It had elements of steam punk, but I really didn't want to play that up too much because it would detract from the other themes of the story (I didn't want to make technology to centric to the plot). There was also noir and horror, but since I have the comic underway I didn't want to overdo it.

Then two nights ago the idea struck me at 4am. Instead of just writing about the flat plane of existence, the story could be about a guy who is writing about the flat plane of existence. While writing the story, the main character is influenced by the world around him and the story eventually turns into a reflection of his life. I really liked the concept and I think I'll start work on it soon. Just have to find the time and energy to write.

Liberate tutame ex inferis

This is a pointless introduction for an unnecessary blog that few, if any, of the people I care about will ever read. Why should I even bother writing this, other than adding to the multitude of ways to waste time online? Well, I do have my reasons.

You see, I have this secret fantasy that people I care about take an interest in me. I think a lot, and I have a lot to say, but I often times am either too jaded to be open or lack someone who shares my specific interests. I don't mean that as a failure on the part of my friends. No, saying that would be arrogant and selfish of me. Blame lies with me for my own hesitance to open up.

I write this blog because it gives me the chance to open up. I could simply keep a journal, but to be honest I want people to read what I have to say. This offers me that prospect.

This blog also offers me the prospect of testing different creative ideas I have. A lot if it doesn't have to be taken seriously, it's just a way for me to give my imagination a work out.