Update

Revelation after revelation. It's funny as all hell. The past few weeks have had their dissapointments and their stressors, but I feel like I'm definatly calming back down. I've been intense and passionate for the past few months, but I feel like its just time to relax. Try for things that are more fulfilling, substantial, and worthwhile. When it happens it'll happen I suppose. Just enjoy what I have while its here I suppose.

Seems like half of the people I know have some sort of relationship drama. Either someone wants someone they can't have, have someone after them they don't want, or keep clinging on to sinking/unhealthy relationships. At least you, Vic, have something stable (although congrats to Jamie! Knew it'd happen sometime). I seem to have a little smattering of the first two, although I'm avoiding the third like the plague. After the whole Julie mess I want to do things right. As for the first part, yeah, I can't think of anytime when I was single that lasted more than a month that I haven't had a liking for someone. All natural I suppose. As for people liking me whom I have no interest in...no comment. But almost all my friends though...shit, definatly makes it so I have no desire to bitch and moan anymore.

Hmm....what else has been on my mind? I haven't spoken my mind in a while. At least not the full context of my mind. So yeah, I want to be an actor now among other things. That's solidifying more and more, and it's intimidating as all fuck. Well, everything is intimidating as all fuck, but you have to grow up sometimes. I have a lot of grounds to catch up on. So much. Hey, there are a lot of successful actors who started the game far later than I, so who knows. I'm looking to try out for the Wolf in Into the Woods. Here would be my big song if I got it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ivVTPr8k9ok&feature=related

Lol, that would be amazing.

I was talking to my friend about how she likes my other friend (yep, everyone is having relationship issues. Makes everyone seem like whiney bitches). She's definatly into him and expresses as much, and I've talked to himand he says he likes her a bit too, but there's something missing he says. After a while of talking about it with him we came to the conclussion that he's not making a move cause its not a challenge. He knows she wants him and, truth be told, where's the fun in that? I normally like being direct, but he mentioned how he likes the mystery, it adds to the fun, and now that I think of it I have to agree. I think that's what I've been missing: a challenge. Seems like most girls I have any interest in either come on too strong or are with someone else. Almost no one is that exciting challenge I'm looking for. Red harrings are abound, though.

This just made me smile:

Coming Attractions

Truth be told, I'm a huge fan of cinema. Sadly, while I am away at college, there are no movie theatres nearby. I tend to fall behind on what is new and coming out, especially because I don't watch TV in college either. I'm going to take a few minutes to look at some movies that are coming out that I am interested in, if nothing more than a reference for myself.

American Gangster
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0765429/trailers-me60061652
In my younger years this movie might not have appealed to me, but I have to say it looks interesting. I'll likely give it a look see eventually.

Hitman
Yeah, the movie probably wont be that great, but I love the game so I might as well give it a shot.

Awake
Its not necessarily the movie but Hayden Christensen that I want to see in this. I heard he's a really great actor, and his work in the Star Wars series was due to George Lucas's direction. I really want to see what Christensen is capable of.

The Golden Compass
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0385752/trailers-me60480803
This seems to be straight up goodness. Not much more to say than this will likely be one of the bigger movies to come out in a while.

I Am Legend
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0480249/trailers-screenplay-E33164-310
I don't know anyone who would speak ill of Will Smith. He's a great actor who has stared in some of the most popular movies in the last decade. This movies seems like it'll be another good success. Apparently he will be fighting zombies/vampires. Will Smith + post apocolyptic NYC + Vampires = solid entertainment.

Youth Without Youth
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0481797/trailers-me60459433
I'm not sure what to make of this movie yet since I don't know much about it, but I do know two themes include immortality and time which is enough to catch my eye.

Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0408236/trailers-screenplay-E35334-314
It seems a lot of movies I'm looking at lately draw me because of the actors. This happened again. Not only am I a huge Johny Depp fan, but I love Alan Rickman too. I haven't yet disliked a Tim Burton film, the number among my favorites infact. Couple that with my growing fixation on madmen the likes of The Joker, this movie will likely be my next big fixation.

Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem
I'm sad to admit I want to see this, especially after how much I was dissapointed with the first. However, I still love each franchise.

Cassandra's Dream
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0795493/trailers-screenplay-E36088-314
Like American Gangster, I wouldn't have been drawn to this type of movie when I was younger. I won't be jumping to see this movie in theatres, but I'll definatly make an effort to see it.

One Missed Call
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0479968/trailers-me60641262
I'm a huge horror fan, and there is little to get excited about in this day and age. This looks like it'll be in the vain of The Grudge and the Ring, all of which based off of Japanese Horrors. I don't know, though, might be one too many movies of this type.

Cloverfield
While I don't know if my desire to see it will last (due mostly to the fact little is known), a monster movie set in New York definatly has me interested.

The Air I Breathe
Based off of a Chinese proverb, it seems like it'll definatly be something new. I always like movies this pretentious.

The Eye
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0406759/trailers-screenplay-E35391-314
What sold me was the trailer. I'll have to look into this a bit more.

In Bruges
I always find hitmen interesting. While a quick IMDB summary is all I've read, it's on the list for now.

Pathology
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0964539/trailers-screenplay-E35135-314
I wasn't too excited after reading the summary, but the trailer made me have a second glance. Damn, way too many movies listed here have to deal with murder.

Jumper
http://www.jumperthemovie.com/
Part of me things this may be a typical Hollywood movie, the other half tells me Sam Jackson and Hayden Christensen are in it. Hmm...


10,000 B.C.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0443649/trailers-screenplay-E33985-314
I'm not super excited to see this yet, but it looks like it might be worth a glance.

Iron Man
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0371746/trailers-screenplay-E34667-314
The next big super hero film, why not just be a slave to its popularity? It actually seems like it'll be pretty good. Any non-Superman super hero movie will be good after Spiderman 3. I can be wrong, however...

Indiana Jones andthe Kingdom of Crystal Skulls
Do I have a reason not to see this movie (answer: no)

The Incredible Hulk
Lol, remaking a Hulk film so soon just made me laugh, Ed Norton is attatched, so I might actually see it.

The Dark Knight
If you don't go see this movie I will put the Joker makeup on, come to your house, and re-enact the best seen of Resevoir Dogs on you.

Well, hope you enjoyed that. I'm guessing several movies will drop and then be added to this list, especially seeing its late and my judgement isn't that sound. Oh well, g'night all.

Myself and a few friends are considering putting together a little movie. I was going to write down my idea here, but I ended up typing it out over AIM so I'll just repost it. Pardon the poor quality.

it'd be about a guy, we'll call him David for now, in college who has been in a mild depression from a while. He hates what he does, but he's trudging along through school in the hopes that he'll eventually be happy
he ends up meeting a girl and falls for her. She inspires him to realize he needs to be happy in the moment. He starts to follow all of his wildest dreams and he has a brief moment of happiness until her feelings for her ex resurface and she gets back with that guy
David flies back into a depression for a bit, but instead of returning to what he was, he becomes a bit of a charicature of what he wanted to be: he's now loud, outgoing, the life of the party, etc, but that wears on him too after time
it'll all resolve with him feeling him realizing his new life isn't what he wants either and the girl he liked breaking up with her boyfriend. I dont want to end it on something happy like them getting together, but it ends with the possibility open and them taking things slow

One Late Night

I walked back into the room to find her gone. I had no idea when she's return, but sleep was beckoning and all of my muscles ached. I slid off my dirty shoes and made my way past the door frame. A soft, warm light illuminated the room just enough to be able to see, and I detected a scent that I could not place but had instilled a certain sense of nostalgia and comfort. I heard the gentle melodies of Simon and Garfunkel, and was pleasantly surprised to find it coming from an old fashioned record player that was kept in pristine condition. The room was clean, and I suddenly felt horribly out of place in my muddy jeans and old black t-shirt. I wanted a shower badly, but seeing as I had nothing to shower with and I was in an all girls dorm, I gave up on the notion.

My eyes moved around the room, taking in all the details as I tried to get a better understanding of her. The room looked like it was decorated and kept with such care that each bit would offer me a glimpse at who she really was. Every poster, every potted plant, every bit of furniture started to give me pieces off the puzzle, but only by silencing my mind and letting the room soak into me could I start to feel it. There was nothing tangible that I could possibly relate, but the intagible offered me so much. What I can say is that more than anything else, even beyond the insecurities at my own unkempt appearance, is that I felt safe, and that was the most telling detail of all.

The quiet click of the door alerted me to the fact that she had returned. She wore colorful pajamas and a towel around her neck, and how she looked seemed wholly different from what she was a mere half-hour prior. She now seemed my exact opposite. The tension in her small frame seemed to have been washed away with the dirt and grime while my every muscle felt tought. My hair was still caked with sweat, while hers was soft and gentle. He skin was warm to the touch, while mine must have seemed as cold as the late October night. I felt horribly out of place and wanted nothing more to disolve into the room around me with every sensation.

Despite unkempt state, she invited me into bed with her. She pulled me in close and I held her tight. With soft voices, we whispered to each other our inner thoughts and insecurites. My one desire was to give her with the same sense of security she was providing me. Despite how heavy sleep called to me, I tried to stay awake to make the moment last as long as it could. We talked for hours and for the first time in a long time I felt myself again. It wasn't until the sun was about rear its head over the tree line that we finally drifted off to sleep.

For a while I was worried; I thought I had everything I wanted. A while ago I used the equation happiness = satisfaction/desires. Well, while having too many desires can be a bad thing, you still can't divide by zero. We all have to want something. I thought I didn't. I was wrong.

While I've denied it for a while, I can't any longer with it now in reach. Is it in reach? I don't know...I never could quite tell. I thought I had lost it for good. How time does make a fool out of us all. *sigh* I hate being the fool.