A Quick Reflection

Peering at my schedule, I face a daunting week. Tomorrow I must awaken early and finish some laundry before it all begins. At first I will head to the bank then Game Stop to allow for a small little indulgence (the newest Pokemon was just too enticing). This will be followed by a trip to Redding, where I will start filming. I am told this weekend will be the tightest thus far, due to the combination of long set ups, complicated tech, and very emotional scenes. I then will likely stay with a friend of mine up at Storrs Mon/Tues/Wed because I film all those days as well. Meaning I likely won't be home till Thursday morning. Alas, I have an 8 hour day of work Thursday (getting off at 7), followed by the same on Friday. Meaning I technically won't be free till next week.

While I like being busy, I don't really like having such a rigid schedule. I like fluidity because, truth be told, I'm a bit whimsical. I like having the freedom of flexibility. Oh well, I guess I have to get used to it, growing up and all. I don't know, though, I just feel like I'm right at that point where I could make a big mistake and 'grow up'. I don't mean maturing, but rather settling on my lot in life. It's the biggest thing I'm afraid of. Last time I felt like I knew what life had in store for me it sent me spiraling into a deep depression. While security is comforting, I want to be surprised and excited about life.

Not to say that life doesn't have its surprises. It does, and it seems that lately when monotony sets in there is usually something small to rattle the cages. It's just something else I'm looking for. Maybe adventure. "Adventure, excitement, a Jedi craves not these things." *sigh* I think of all things this is why I'd make a good Jedi.

It's times like these that make me appreciate what I have in life though. For what bitching I do, I have to say I feel like I'm a very fortunate guy. I'm healthy, I have a decent family and caring friends, I'm relatively intelligent and creative, I have a good job, and I'd like to think of myself as fairly good looking. There are a lot of things I take for granted. At the beginning of this past school year I made a promise to myself that I'd no longer take friends for granted. In that regard I think I did fairly well. For the past week, though, I haven't really had the chance to hang out with my best friend, Victor. It's a bit disappointing because I wont be able to again until next week. Oh well, at least I will hopefully get that.

Leaflets

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Good? Bad?

An old man and his son worked a small farm, with only one horse to pull the plot. One day, the horse ran away.
"How terrible," sympathized the neighbors. "What bad luck."
"Who knows whether it is bad luck or good luck," the farmer replied.
A week later, the horse returned from the mountains, leading five wild mares into the barn.
"What wonderful luck!" said the neighbors.
"Good luck? Bad luck? Who knows?" answered the old man.
The next day, the son, trying to tame one of the horses, fell and broke his leg.
"How terrible! What bad luck!"
"Bad luck? Good luck?"
The army came to all the farms to take the young men for war. The farmer's son was of no use to them, so he was sparred.
"Good? Bad?"

It's a short, simple little story I've always liked. While there isn't too much meat to it, it's the meaning that's important. In essence, it states that there are no such things as good events or bad events. Good and bad events are merely a matter of perspective, perspectives that often change with the passage of time.

I'm right at that point again where I'm at the cusp of change. It's nothing tangible, merely a strong feeling that is telling me that everything I was worried about will work out. To quote Modest Mouse "I love life's surprises so much I don't want to know what's ahead." All the bad things, or at least what I viewed as bad at the time, have seemed to work out for the best now. I feel better now. Hell, I feel, which is a good change of pace. Unfortunatly two of my friends have been having a hard time.

I've been thinking about one of them a bit today, and how bad her situation seems to be right now. I'm not even sure what I want to write in this entry. I've rewritten it a few times, and I've decided that since she will likely be the main person to read this one I might as well direct it towards her.

When I become depressed, words of encouragement tend to do nothing for me. I'll spare you them for fear of it sounding too disingenuous. If you are reading this, then I just first want to thank you for taking an interest in me (it really does mean a lot to me). Secondly, while I don't presume to claim I know you that well, I tend to be a good judge of character. Whether you know it or not you seem strong, the type of strong that only comes from facing many hardships. Just seeing that gives me confidence that things will work out for you. After I got your message today I was worried about you, but I know you'll pull through. Hopefully that brings you some encouragement.

People come and people go. Cherish them and cherish the precious time you have.