For the past two days I have to say I haven't been in that great of a mood. The best way to describe it is I want to be angry, but I can't. I kinda just want to destroy something beautiful.
While I don't want to admit it, I know why I feel this way. I've been so psyched about UConn, about getting the fuck out of here, and having so much to look forward to, I haven't paid attention to all the bad that'll come with it. I swear I must be fucking bipolar, because now that the high I was riding is over, I'm starting to hit a low. When I hit a low these days, though, its not that I get dissapointed with life, but I get dissapointed with myself for getting back to here. For getting my hopes up. What the fuck am I rambling about? I'm just rambling I suppose.
Fuck, I should just be happy with what I have, but it feels good to pine, to desire, and to get your hopes up. Sometimes it feels like this zen ideal I have is more like apathy. I think I just need to bitch. What the hell am I saying?
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