Something for Something's Sake

I woke up on the couch again this morning. I had weird dreams all throughout the night. I can only remember bits and pieces now, but I remember shoot outs. There were violent gang wars and I was in the middle of it, a man with a vendetta and no hesitation to pull the trigger. The next thing I recall was having killed Victor for some reason, and by the way I felt and the way I acted around Jessica it hadn't been an accident.

It was an odd feeling, waking up, because I was entirely convinced I had killed someone. It made me feel different about myself. I had done something which could not be undone, and the deed had left its mark on me. I really felt like I had killed someone when I woke up, and nothing can really compare to that feeling of self-loathing and complete acceptance of what I had done.

But as I do with each morning, reality slowly reared its ugly head and I was no longer this cold-hearted killer, nor was Victor dead. Victor was probably just getting back from work and heading to bed himself (since he works the night shift) and here I was, staring out the window, waiting for the Sun to banish the last vestiges of night.

I decided today that I'm going to get off my ass and try to do as much as I can. I played pokemon a tiny bit, but quickly just took care of the daily events and turned it off. Then I covered good ground with Goblet of Fire. Right now, though, I think I'm about to pop into the shower, dress in some clothes I like, and head out for a good walk. I think I might bring my camera with me, but I've already walked this route so much that I doubt I'll see something new. Might be a good time to wander someplace new.